Realness

Realness.

Something i crave. 

REAL people. REAL lives. REAL mess. REAL joy. REAL hope. REAL faith. 

Realness.

You know it when you see it. 

Someone who isn't afraid to be real with their life.

Or maybe they are terrified but choose to be real anyway.

I am finding the more real i get, the more afraid i become. 

Afraid of what? 

rejection.

abandonment.

being judged.

what others think. 

what others are saying about me.

the mess.

afraid that people get tired of those who are in the midst of a trial.

My realness is pretty messy right now. 

The Word of God is my only hope. It is TRUTH.

i am clinging to it with desperation.

gasping for breath, i reach for the Bible, hoping to find life-giving words. 

and i always do. 

The other night i read Romans 8 and found such comfort, though in many ways i grapple with the words printed on the page. 

i think: 

could it really be true? 

Does God love me that much?

Nothing can separate me from His love... NOTHING??? not even my messiness? 

Is all of this really working for my good? 

This is being real. being willing to ask the questions. To work through it. to NOT hide from it. To share it with you. 

My head can give a hearty assent to all those questions, but my heart wrestles. in the midst of pain and sorrow, it wrestles with what i see versus what i can't see... 

 "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

Realness. working out Romans 8. it's messy. but it's a good messy.