Recently i have been thinking about what i am aiming for. There are many things i do, and sometimes it seems that none of them are done well. Can you relate?
i blog. i love to write. but do you think i can get on here and post as often as i would like? No. Four children keep me busy. Yet, i find i long to write. Maybe i entered the blogosphere a bit too early and with ambitions that were set too high. So, in anonymity i will stay, thankful for the ones that do read what i write, even though i don't do it often enough =)
i am a mom. There are plenty of times that i feel like i don't do this well, because i have been chasing after an image of a perfect mom that does not exist. i do not own year-passes to any museums. i don't do super-mom crafts at home with my cheribs, because i generally don't have the patience to do it. But i DO love them, snuggle with them, dance with them, laugh and cry with them, let them dig in the back of the yard, and buy venus flytraps. Somehow, that seems to be enough for them, so why does it not seem enough according to society? It is time to scale back and get back to the basics. But that is another post!
i am also a wife, sister, friend, daughter, business owner, etc...
Within each of these roles i was aiming to be the best (in my own strength, i think) and feeling like i was falling short. Unfortunately i am a recovering Perfectionist. If you are one, you know that you want to do everything perfectly, and if you can't do it with perfection, you just don't do it (you should see my kitchen...um, yeah). What to do?
STOP! Stop being perfectionistic. Stop depending on my own ability! i heard something recently that really made me think...What am i aiming for? To be approved of by men? To be accepted by everyone? To be the best? And what is my motivation? ouch.
I have made a turn. The Holy Spirit has really been convicting me, and i know now that i need to AIM TO GIVE GOD GLORY IN ANY AND EVERY SITUATION. To revisit the verse about doing all to the glory of God...
So no matter what role i am in, my goal is to bring glory to my Lord and Saviour =)
Someone posted a youtube video on their facebook yesterday. The main idea of the video was that homeschoolers excel academically. That sort of bothered me. It is true - homeschoolers to test higher overall. But thats not true in every case and certainly not mine. Anyway, I posted something back about how I appreciate that I can homeschool and be with my kids through their struggles. 2 moms came on there and attacked me saying I made them sick because they thought what I said about how I raise my kids was somehow aimed at how they raise their kids. I was only talking about what God was leading me in. I think people will always feel threatened by the fact that I homeschool, but honestly, I don't really care what others do with their kids. It's not my life. I am only responsible for what God ask ME to do and whatever other people do are between them and God. I would never tell anyone they had to do life just like me. I feel bad when people look at me and think less of themselves. I am the mom that has the yearly zoo pass. I am the mom that stays home with her kids and I although its tough, I love it. I am the mom that sits down and does crafts with her kids, but I'm not perfect at it. I'm also the mom that yells when I'm angry, locks myself in my room when I've had too much, and wishes I was like "those other moms". I think when we compare ourselves to others, we do a disservice to God. God went to a lot of trouble making us how we are. He didn't want our lives to look like mine or yours or anyone elses. He wants us to follow where He leads not where others do. When I start thinking that way, I know there is a chasm between me and God and I need to seriously take a look at that so I can get my head screwed on straight. I think those women who reacted to me were comparing themselves and taking offense to things I didn't even say. In the end, I can only do what God ask of me and let the other stuff just fall to the wayside.
ReplyDeletei understand, as i get looked down upon at times b/c i didn't really homeschool Hud cuz we used Connections Academy. i have nothing against having the passes to museums and zoos...in fact my kids benefit when others want to take them as a guest.
ReplyDeletesimply stated, i needed to be rest in the fact that God made me the mom He did, in His wisdom...even when i feel i am falling short. i have wished i was able to do crafts often with my kids, but am finally comfortable knowing that it is just not me. not how i was wired. they do crafts, just not with me involved :) lots of drawing, coloring, playdoh.
just learing to be comfortable with who God made ME... w/o comparing. i always fail when i compare...i think we all do. gettin' comfy in my skin..