from Penal Suffering to Loving Sovereignty

When our church held their Thanksgiving Eve service, i was asked to give a testimony about how I had learned that God didn't just love me because He had to, but that He actually liked me. This past year has been truly one of the most difficult years i have had. This saturday will mark the one-year anniversary of my Dad's death. This is not an anniversary i wanted to have, nor do i celebrate it, though through some tears i am remembering the good things about who he was. Through this year, i have learned more about God, the gospel, and myself than i could have without walking through the suffering and pain.

I share my testimony here....it should take about 7-10 minutes to read :)

From Penal Suffering to Loving Sovereignty ~ Thanksgiving Eve, 2013

(the following paragraph are all song titles that have ministered God's truth to me through the last number of months) 

Though You Slay Me and Move in Mysterious Ways, I will Turn My Eyes Upon Jesus, and cry out, "Jesus, Draw Me Ever Nearer". Because You Walked in Lonely Places, I can now Lift Up My Sorrows, knowing that You Did That For Me. Amazing Grace sets me on A Firm Foundation, knowing that Jesus exchanged His Robes for Mine. In Christ Alone can I truly say "It Is Well With My Soul!" Amazing love, how can it be that Thou, my God, shouldst die for me? Praise the Lord, for GREAT things He IS doing!!

Sara Groves simply, yet profoundly states “I believe in a peace that flows deeper than pain, 

That broken find healing in love; Pain is no measure of His faithfulness, He withholds no good thing from us.”

I could not say that with confidence a few months ago. I grew up overhearing it said about me that i was loved, because i had to be, but that i was not liked. I had wrongly assumed that God felt the same way.  I believed that God loved me out of obligation, because He promised to since i had called on the name of Christ. Yet it was a begrudging love; A love that was just waiting for me to mess up so that He could punish me. I falsely believed that He only tolerated me; that the sufferings and trials i faced in life were punishments for my sin, because Christ’s death simply wasn’t enough. I still had to pay.

But God…!

Over the past months, God has faithfully revealed to me my sinful thinking. Through reading His precious Word, the preaching of His Word, godly counsel, and other books, God has lovingly shown me the Truth through His Holy Spirit.

And what is that Truth? It is that He, God, likes me. He doesn’t love me because He has to, He actually delights in me.. 

 “The Lord your God is in your midst,A victorious warrior.He will exult over you with joy,He will be quiet in His love,He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy. Zephaniah 3:17

His Word says in Ephesians 1:3-7 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, ⁴ just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before ^[d]Him. In love^5 [e]He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the ^[f]kind intention of His will, ⁶ to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.

I have learned that God is a loving Sovereign; that the trials and sufferings I face are given to me by a loving Father who is working all things to my good, in order to conform me to the image of His glorious Son. Believe me when I say that the last verse I wanted to hear after my Dad died and all the trials since, was Romans 8:28. But one day, someone pointed out to me that verse 29 follows! Here it is…Here is WHY God causes ALL things (yes, even that really painful situation) to work for the good of the called:  And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. ²⁹ For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son.

I can now truly believe and embrace the truths that Joseph Alliene penned so very long ago:

From the curse of the cross I will deliver you (Psalm 119:71). Afflictions shall prove a wholesome cup to you; your Lord has drunk the venom into His won body, and what remains for you is but a healthful potion which I promise shall work for your good (Romans 8:28). Be not afraid to drink, nor desire that the cup should pass from you. I bless the cup before I give it to you (Job 5:17). Drink all of it and be thankful; you shall find My blessing a the bottom of the cup to sweeten the sharpest afflictions to you (James 1:12; Psalm 94:12). I will stand by you in all conditions, and be a fast Friend to you in every change (Isaiah 43:2). In the wilderness I will speak comfortably to you, and in the fire and water I will be with you (Hosea 2:14). I will be a strength to the poor and a strength to the needy in his distress; a refuge from the storm, and  a shadow from the heat, when the blast of terrible ones is as a storm against the wall (Isaiah 25:4). Your sufferings shall not be a cup of wrath, but a grace cup; not a curse, but a cure; not a cup of trembling, but a cup of blessing to you (Hebrews 12:6-8). They shall not hurt you, but heal you (Psalm 119:67). My blessing shall attend you in every condition (Genesis 26:3).  from The Precious Promises of the Gospel, pg. 10  (note: this book was written from the perspective of God speaking the Gospel truth to His people. It is full of Scripture. It is taking the promises and truths of the Word and writing them out as though God were saying them personally to you. It is not to be read AS Scripture, but as a more devotional reading, with study of the Scriptures mentioned). 

In summary, Colossians 3:3 states For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. ⁴ When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. I will just read a part from my journal that I think best expresses how this verse helped me see the love of God:

I have begun to wrestle with being IN Christ. I read Romans 8 again yesterday. Read Col. 3:1-2. prayed. As I started working on the thought that God loves me because he is obligated to because I have followed Christ, but he doesn't like me very much, it started to penetrate.. that I am IN Christ.It hit me. I have to die. die to so many of my fleshly desires. And that all the stuff in Romans 8 is true that He will raise me up to life in Christ. then I realized that Col. 3 is true! I am hidden with Christ, in God. God see's all the goodness of Christ when He looks at me. I am hidden IN Christ, and hidden WITH Christ. So, God looks at Christ, and He doesn't tolerate Christ. He loves Him. He enjoys Him. Christ is His Son. And I am hidden within that.  I am choosing to not despise this small step, to walk on in faith. To press in. To BELIEVE this truth, regardless of feelings; to RECKON IT SO.

A few quotes and I am done. One email I received simply stated this: Jeanette the Lord likes you a lot. I just wept when I read that. And another said this: Your story is being woven together by a Master Artisan Whose ways are so mysterious and often painful, yet so glorious and beautiful!

John Piper has snippets of a sermon piped into a song by Shane & Shane called Though You Slay Me: this song was significant in this journey. He says that our pain is not meaningless. It has a purpose, whether it was cancer, or criticism, sickness or slander… it is producing and eternal weight of glory. We may never see the purpose here, but we can know that we are loved more than we ever deserve, we are liked and delighted in by our loving Sovereign, and He IS WORKING ALL THINGS FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE WHO ARE THE CALLED!

2 Corinthians 4:8-9,  we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing;⁹ persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;…therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, ¹⁸ while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Paul Tripp says this: “So God’s grace isn’t always comfortable, because He isn’t primarily working on our comfort; He’s working on our character. With violent grace He will crush us because He loves us, and is committed to our restoration, deliverance, and refinement. And THAT is something worth celebrating.”

I close with a hymn by the Getty’s. May this be the prayer of all of our hearts:

Jesus, Draw me ever nearer

As I labor through the storm

You have called me to this passage

And I'll follow, though I'm worn

May this journey bring a blessing

May I rise on wings of faith

And at the end of my hearts testing

With Your likeness let me wake

Jesus, guide me through the tempest

Keep my spirit stayed and sure

When the midnight meets the morning

Let me love You even more

May this journey bring a blessing

May I rise on wings of faith

And at the end of my hearts testing

With Your likeness let me wake

Let the treasures of the trial

Form within me as I go

And at the end of this long passage

Let me leave them at your throne

May this journey bring a blessing

May I rise on wings of faith

And at the end of my hearts testing

With Your likeness let me wake

Six Months

Six months ago today.

It was Friday.

and it was cold. 

Not as cold as it had been.

but still, cold. 

I was with my Dad.

reading Psalm 34 to him. 

I had no idea that he was actively dying.

He was clammy. 

I thought he was just hot and sweaty.

I prayed. 

and sang. 

Amazing Grace.

and Jesus Loves Me/You.

They came to shift him around.

i came back in and his lips were blue.

running. 

nurses. 

"He is going, honey." 

"He is gone."

God had His people there. 

The head nurse is His. 

She prayed for me, with me. 

"Are you a Christ-one" i mumble.

"Yes. Let's pray." 

It was precious. 

real. 

sincere.

She is a Christ-one. 

I was alone, 

but not alone. 

moved to a room. 

waiting. 

making phone calls. 

crying.

My sister arrived. 

My husband was there

as i went back to the room.

The room where he lay.

still. 

silent. 

no machines. 

no beeps.

no more nurses. 

That day is ingrained in my mind. 

every moment. 

Arrived home to loving friends. 

The Barton's. 

tumbled out of car, 

and finally fell apart.

completely. 

grief. 

oh, grief. 

Friend's stopping in all afternoon, 

and Pastors coming in the evening. 

Tears shed with me. 

love.

absolute love. 

in the midst of deepest grief and pain. 

Christ's hands and feet...every single one of them that came. 

My precious husband. 

Loving me. holding me. letting me weep.

The last 6 months have been some of the most difficult, if not THE most difficult months i have walked through. God is so faithful to carry me. to grow me. to comfort me. to heal me. My dad's passing has brought up so many things. difficult things. i am still surprised at how very much I miss him. I wish i could hear him talk again; see him smile; hear his laugh...even hear him yell. at least he would be here. 

But he is not here. 

He never will be again. 

His death brought about many changes. Familial changes that have been just as difficult to handle. Through it all, God is showing me that He alone is my heritage and my hope. My refuge and my Redeemer. My peace, and my comforter. He is my all in all. 

His Word has become so precious to me. My very life... I long to hide myself in His Word. To cling to the promises. To trust that they are true and that they are for me. My earthly dad is gone. i miss him. i had never gone this long without talking to him. it is so hard. 

But i lift my gaze to heaven, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. I fix my eyes upon Him, the Author and Finisher of my faith. My Jesus. My hope. My security. My God. My Father. My everything. 

Six life-changing months. sorrowful, yet finding moments of joy. hurting, yet finding hope. Biblical hope. REAL HOPE. 

Love WHO?

One of Jesus' most difficult teachings is for us to love our enemies (Matthew 5:43-47).

um. yeah.

like trying to swallow a watermelon...whole.

but it must be possible.

it has to be.

not in our own strength.

but through the power of the Holy Spirit.

absolutely dependent upon Jesus Christ.

May His strength be made perfect in our weakness.

May He be glorified as we do the hard work, in His strength.

Realness

Realness.

Something i crave. 

REAL people. REAL lives. REAL mess. REAL joy. REAL hope. REAL faith. 

Realness.

You know it when you see it. 

Someone who isn't afraid to be real with their life.

Or maybe they are terrified but choose to be real anyway.

I am finding the more real i get, the more afraid i become. 

Afraid of what? 

rejection.

abandonment.

being judged.

what others think. 

what others are saying about me.

the mess.

afraid that people get tired of those who are in the midst of a trial.

My realness is pretty messy right now. 

The Word of God is my only hope. It is TRUTH.

i am clinging to it with desperation.

gasping for breath, i reach for the Bible, hoping to find life-giving words. 

and i always do. 

The other night i read Romans 8 and found such comfort, though in many ways i grapple with the words printed on the page. 

i think: 

could it really be true? 

Does God love me that much?

Nothing can separate me from His love... NOTHING??? not even my messiness? 

Is all of this really working for my good? 

This is being real. being willing to ask the questions. To work through it. to NOT hide from it. To share it with you. 

My head can give a hearty assent to all those questions, but my heart wrestles. in the midst of pain and sorrow, it wrestles with what i see versus what i can't see... 

 "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

Realness. working out Romans 8. it's messy. but it's a good messy.

Take Time; Be Soft

A soft answer turns away wrath,

But a harsh word stirs up anger...

The heart of the righteous studies how to answer,

But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.

~Proverbs 15:1, 28

What practical wisdom for our daily lives rests in these two verses! Just think of it...  In the heat of the moment you respond brashly, quickly, harshly. You say what you never wanted to say. You see the hurt on the other person's face. Once again, you think. I did it once again. 

These two verses have hit me hard. How many conflicts could have turned out differently if i had just taken time to study how to answer? How differently could they have turned out if i would have chosen to have a soft answer? This is no easy task, let me be the first one to say it! But the fruit of walking in the wisdom of these verses is almost immeasurable. Let's consider a few benefits of taking our time to respond, and responding softly:

• we honor the Lord. By taking time to think and pray before we respond to things, we honor God. How? Frankly, because we are much less likely to sin in our response. His Holy Spirit will give us wisdom and gentleness if we ask. 

• We show respect for the person we are having the confrontation or difference with. By taking time to think, we are showing them that we care about them, and that we don't want to hurt them with our words.

• We can deepen our relationships. By taking time and answering softly, we are showing love for God and for that person. Sometimes when we face a difficult situation, a soft or a harsh answer can be the difference between the relationship surviving or collapsing. Those difficult conversations can be a turning point for deepening the relationship though, because, once again, we show them love by considering how to answer, and by not just spewing out venom. 

Left to ourselves, this is nearly impossible to do. But, praise be to God the Father, we are not left to ourselves if we have hidden ourselves in Christ. We have the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit to strengthen us and help us in our time of need. 

May we show that we love the Lord, and each other, by taking our time to respond, and by responding with a soft answer. 

 

The Healing Tongue

    The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. 

Proverbs 15.4

Oh, to have a tongue that brings healing! How our Lord must be honored when we speak words of life (His words...from the Bible) to one another. The Apostle Paul instructs us in Ephesians 5:18b-21 to... 

"be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God." 

And again in Colossians 3:15-17 (emphasis mine in both)

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

So, how do we have a tongue that brings healing when we speak? We must have the word of Christ dwelling  richly in our hearts. We have to be reading, studying, and meditating on on His most excellent Word.  As the psalmist wrote in so many places, we must delight ourselves in His precepts.. God's Word.

I love the videos  that are circulating showing Christians in different countries getting the Bible for the first time. HERE is a video of the Kimyal people receiving the New Testament for the first time in their language. These people wept and danced as they received God's Word. I was sobbing the first time i saw this. Then, there is a video going around facebook of Asian Christians getting Bibles. You can watch that HERE. See how they hold it and weep with joy?! OH!! To value the Word so dearly!

How precious is your Bible to you?

How precious is my Bible to me?

If we are highly esteeming and loving God's Word, we will be hiding it in our hearts. Then, and only then, can we truly have words of life coming off of our tongues, bringing healing to those around us.

Lord, may it be so. Thank You, precious Jesus, for the Bible. May we love Your living Word. May we love You more. May You become so precious to us, that our hearts are filled to overflowing with Your truth, with Your words. May we have healing words on our tongues. Grant us hearts that desire to meditate on Your ways, precepts, and words. Then, Lord Jesus, fill our hearts with songs, hymns, and melodies towards one another as we communicate the healing words found within The Word.  For Your glory alone, Amen.

Your comments make this a conversation :~)

4 Little Letters

What is it that we all really, really want? That we all really, really long for?

my guess?

love.

That one, simple complicated little word.

Love.

If we are honest, we have all been disappointed with love at one time or another. Those 4 little letters put together can cause so much pain.

But ~

Maybe we don't truly know what love is.

Maybe we were made to learn to love from a different Source.

I mean,
we look to Hollywood for what romatic love looks like. we look to wholesome novels (think Little Women) for what familial love looks like. We look to other books, or television shows to see what friendship-love looks like.

What if....
just what would happen if....

We looked to the Author of love for what love really means?

1 John 4:7-11 says Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.  He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.  In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

I don't know about you, but i need to learn love from God. to rest in His love for me. His perfect, self-sacrificing, tender love for me. I need to give that love to others. The love with which i have been loved. Give  it away freely.

Is there someone in your life who you just wish would love you? Is there an ache there? Let our amazing God of perfect love come to that place. Let Him love you. He will love you for you... not for what you have or have not done. Not for what you have or haven't said. No. He loves YOU for YOU. He looks at you and He loves you.

No,
not the Hollywood love. not the love of novels. not the love we see on the television. not a love based on feelings.

But He loves you. deeply. He loves me. completely.
He loves us according to The Book.

The Bible.

Take a look inside, and see the greatest love of all on display.

M2C Monday & More

Dear Friends,

Today is supposed to be my Made to Crave Monday. I just don't have it in me to write much about it. So many other things are going on, that it is difficult to have a post about "my" progress. seems so shallow, compared to everything else.

I have continued to seek the Lord, instead of food, which is very important right now (although i CAN admit i ate a few too many mashed potatoes on Sunday). Had i been turning to food or shopping for comfort these past weeks, i would have missed precious times with my Lord. I would have missed the clarity that He has brought. i would have missed the comfort that only He can give. i would have missed diving deep in to the Word of God, which reveals His will for us.

God has been faithful. So much more faithful to me than food or shopping ever have been.

As the next days unfold, i am certain what is going on internally will make its way here, to the cyberworld. Right now, though, i cannot.

One verse He has been speaking to us, as a couple is Jeremiah 6:16:

Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see,

and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, 

and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. (KJV)

~or~

Thus says the LORD:

Stand in the ways and see,

And ask for the old paths, where the good way is, 

and walk in it;

Then you will find rest for your souls." (NKJV)

What is Your Starting Point?

With all the debates that are going on these days, may i humbly submit this article for your consideration:

A well-known atheist in the USA was interviewing me in my office concerning the creation/evolution issue and the book of Genesis. The conversation went something like this: 

“So you admit that you start with the Bible?” she said to me.

“Yes, of course,” I replied.

“And you are not prepared to change anything the Bible states, are you?” she asked.

“No,” I said. “The Bible’s statements concerning creation, the Flood, and so on are not subject to change—God’s Word cannot be altered.”

“Ah,” she then responded, “that’s why creationists like you can never be real scientists. You see, real scientists like myself start with evidence... http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/am/v5/n2/starting-point

It is written by Ken Ham, and is most excellent. He states that there are TWO starting points in every discussion: either the Bible, or man's ideas. Please read it...
As always, i welcome your comments below.


Be respectful.