My Dad

i was going through old discs that have piled up like dust bunnies under my bookshelves, when i came across this picture of my Dad and I from 2005. side note: i had just had my 4th baby!  He has been gone for almost 17 months now. He would have been 68 last Friday. What a wonderful find today. Thankful for a great memory.

The Gift of Photographs

Today i was given a beautiful gift in the mail. My Grandpop made copies of some old photographs that i had asked for. There were five 8x10's, and a couple 3x5's (that i had NEVER seen!) in the envelope. As i opened them, i caught my breath. A beautiful picture of my Dad in his Marines uniform. Wow.

There was a picture of my Mom and Dad's wedding day. They looked so happy. How quickly that faded....

There was a picture of my great-grandparents who came over from Sicily. precious.

A picture of my great-grandpop in his Italian WWI uniform. amazing!

There was  small picture of my Dad as a baby that i had never seen, as well as a picture of my Dad and his brother, my Uncle Mike, as young boys. They were 4 years apart, my Dad being the oldest.

I had a tear or two in my eyes, but more than anything, i was filled with gratefulness for this precious gift. A gift that will continue to give for my lifetime.

Six Months

Six months ago today.

It was Friday.

and it was cold. 

Not as cold as it had been.

but still, cold. 

I was with my Dad.

reading Psalm 34 to him. 

I had no idea that he was actively dying.

He was clammy. 

I thought he was just hot and sweaty.

I prayed. 

and sang. 

Amazing Grace.

and Jesus Loves Me/You.

They came to shift him around.

i came back in and his lips were blue.

running. 

nurses. 

"He is going, honey." 

"He is gone."

God had His people there. 

The head nurse is His. 

She prayed for me, with me. 

"Are you a Christ-one" i mumble.

"Yes. Let's pray." 

It was precious. 

real. 

sincere.

She is a Christ-one. 

I was alone, 

but not alone. 

moved to a room. 

waiting. 

making phone calls. 

crying.

My sister arrived. 

My husband was there

as i went back to the room.

The room where he lay.

still. 

silent. 

no machines. 

no beeps.

no more nurses. 

That day is ingrained in my mind. 

every moment. 

Arrived home to loving friends. 

The Barton's. 

tumbled out of car, 

and finally fell apart.

completely. 

grief. 

oh, grief. 

Friend's stopping in all afternoon, 

and Pastors coming in the evening. 

Tears shed with me. 

love.

absolute love. 

in the midst of deepest grief and pain. 

Christ's hands and feet...every single one of them that came. 

My precious husband. 

Loving me. holding me. letting me weep.

The last 6 months have been some of the most difficult, if not THE most difficult months i have walked through. God is so faithful to carry me. to grow me. to comfort me. to heal me. My dad's passing has brought up so many things. difficult things. i am still surprised at how very much I miss him. I wish i could hear him talk again; see him smile; hear his laugh...even hear him yell. at least he would be here. 

But he is not here. 

He never will be again. 

His death brought about many changes. Familial changes that have been just as difficult to handle. Through it all, God is showing me that He alone is my heritage and my hope. My refuge and my Redeemer. My peace, and my comforter. He is my all in all. 

His Word has become so precious to me. My very life... I long to hide myself in His Word. To cling to the promises. To trust that they are true and that they are for me. My earthly dad is gone. i miss him. i had never gone this long without talking to him. it is so hard. 

But i lift my gaze to heaven, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. I fix my eyes upon Him, the Author and Finisher of my faith. My Jesus. My hope. My security. My God. My Father. My everything. 

Six life-changing months. sorrowful, yet finding moments of joy. hurting, yet finding hope. Biblical hope. REAL HOPE. 

Remembering

Remembering my Dad, Benjamin John Piazza, today in a couple pictures...

circa 1948 in Phili

mid-80's

1985 in Jersey for a wedding. I was there for the summer, and he came out and flew home with me after the wedding of Uncle Frank.

circa 1977?
my dad and i in Jersey :)

2010 in Jersey
My Dad ~ Ben, Uncle Mike, Grandpop, Uncle Frank, & Uncle John