The Falling Rain

The song i am about to share is just raw. It is raw and beautiful, open and honest. I wonder how long he sat in silence before the Lord, crying out for the rain to stop, before he finally put the pen to paper? I wonder if the rain is still falling. This song has left me in tears every time i have heard it. I pray that this song will minister to you, as you and i travel this hard road home to heaven.

Peace. Be Still. 

Always

I always love this song.

These Are Written So You May Believe

{UPDATE: thanks to a friend, i realized that the video somehow was deleted as i was inserting the lyrics! Now the video is there :) }

This song caught my attention one morning on the radio. I looked them up and saw this beautiful animation to go with their song. The group is a husband/wife duo called The Lockwood's.

Here is what they say about this song on their site: In April 2013, we had the privilege of sharing our music with Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis. We wanted to gift them with a song written especially for them, and so we trusted God for the inspiration that was needed. God ended up giving us “These are Written” after many hours of pressing in to not only the gospel accounts of what Jesus has done, but also pressing into how those stories help us understand what He is doing in our lives in this present moment. We want this song to be a great comfort especially to believers who are suffering, and we know that as they behold this Jesus who suffered and died willingly in their place, they will indeed be comforted.

“These are Written” by Patrick and Molly Lockwood

Lyrics:

Jesus calmed the waters on the Sea of Galilee

And today He spoke peace to the fears in me

Jesus turned water at a wedding into wine

Just today He turned my worry into peace of mind

Jesus broke bread with the whores and thieves

He bent down to wash His friend Peter’s feet

When I felt so dirty, so beyond love’s reach

He called out to say that He was not ashamed of me

These are written so may believe

And that by believing you may have life in His name

Jesus healed a man who spent his whole life lame

Well He cleansed my past; I’ve got a brand new name

He told a woman at a well all she’d ever done

Yea He knows me better than anyone

Where guilt ran deep, where shame flowed wide

Jesus opened all the parts of me I tried to hide

He gave me water to drink that won’t run dry

He died my death and gave me life

These are written so you may believe

And that by believing you may have life in His name

Jesus, Immanuel, Savior, Messiah, Son of man, Son of God, Holy and Anointed One, Good Shepherd, Great High Priest, Servant King, Prince of Peace, Bread of Life, Living Water, He is the Way, the Truth, the Life, Light of the World, Beginning and the End, Lily of the Valley, My Truest Friend, Mighty Lion, Humble Lamb, Risen Lord, The Great “I AM”

These are written so you may believe

And that by believing you may have life in His name

Morning may bring a brand new pain

With suffering I’m afraid to face

Confronted by things I cannot change

I’ll remember how Jesus calmed the crashing waves!

I’ll remember how Jesus healed a woman who had bled twelve years

He showed mercy to the thief who confessed through tears

He blessed the widow at the temple for the penny she gave

Jesus called Lazarus out of the grave!

And He suffered and died on a Roman tree

But He laid His life down willingly

In three days He rose as He had said

And now in Christ, death is dead

These are written so you may believe

Providential Hope

I heard this song this morning after my alarm went off.
absolutely Providential.
There is so much beauty in the midst of the pain...beauty in His drawing so near and in His faithfulness to carry us through.
Hope.
There is hope.




You Are Faithful ~ Raymond Gregory
When my heart is troubled
And I can hardly breathe 
I will rest on Your promises 
You won't abandon me
In the valley of the shadow of death
If I'm with You I will not be afraid 

You are hope for the hurting heart
You are rest to the weary soul
When I am broken, You are not shaken
Through trial, pain, and fears
You keep count of all my tears
When I am broken, You are not shaken
Lord You are faithful, God You are faithful

On the path of abundance 
I look back and I see
When the road was rough, I stumbled hard,
I was beaten down
It was then that you carried me

Through tragedy, In prosperity
You are faithful, You are faithful
In every season Lord, You are with me
You are faithful God

Great is thy faithfulness, Great is thy faithfulness
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord You are Faithful

Worn

I love this song.
This is the cry of my heart after this past week. That there is beauty after the ashes.

we will understand....just not yet

This song brings me to my knees. the honesty. the beauty. the searching. the Truth. Farther along, we WILL know all about it. Am i willing, are you willing, to sit in the in between.

let the flood wash me of my doubts, fears, sins, burdens!

"His is the Kingdom, we're the guests... O Lord, Come soon!"



"Farther Along" - Josh Garrels from Josh Garrels on Vimeo.

Farther along we'll know all about itFarther along we'll understand whyCheer up my brothers, live in the sunshineWe'll understand this, all by and by

Tempted and tried, I wondered whyThe good man died, the bad man thrivesAnd Jesus cries because he loves em' bothWe're all cast-aways in need of ropesHangin' on by the last threads of our hopeIn a house of mirrors full of smokeConfusing illusions I've seen

Where did I go wrong, I sang alongTo every chorus of the songThat the devil wrote like a piper at the gatesLeading mice and men down to their fatesBut some will courageously escapeThe seductive voice with a heart of faithWhile walkin' that line back home

So much more to life than we've been toldIt's full of beauty that will unfoldAnd shine like you struck gold my wayward sonThat deadweight burden weighs a tonGo down into the river and let it runAnd wash away all the things you've doneForgiveness, alright

Chorus

Still I get hard pressed on every sideBetween the rock and a compromiseLike the truth and pack of lies fightin' for my soulAnd I've got no place left goCause I got changed by what I've been shownMore glory than the world has knownKeeps me ramblin' on

Skipping like a calf loosed from its stallI'm free to love once and for allAnd even when I fall I'll get back upFor the joy that overflows my cupHeaven filled me with more than enoughBroke down my levee and my bluffLet the flood wash me

And one day when the sky rolls back on usSome rejoice and the others fussCause every knee must bow and tongue confessThat the Son of God is forever blessedHis is the kingdom, we're the guestsSo put your voice up to the testSing Lord, come soon

Chorus(lyrics to Farther Along, emphasis mine)

Grief Observed

It has been over 8 months since my Dad passed away.

I don't talk about him much, though he is most always in my thoughts.

I still get teary-eyed from time to time. I re-live the day of his death often, since i was there with him when he passed.

When my Dad died, everything changed. Everything.

I ended up in some pretty intensive Biblical Discipleship, due to some major upheaval, where i have homework to do: books to read, verses that i pick to memorize, questions to answer, articles to read and pull thoughts out of. It is so good, and so hard all at the same time.

I have seen my sin, as i was immersed in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I saw my bondage to the fear of man, and had to work through some really tough things. But God... God is so FAITHFUL. and gentle. and loving. I even discovered that He doesn't just love me because He has to, but that He likes me as well!

I recently was given God's Healing for Life's Losses: How to Find Hope When You're Hurting by Robert Kellemen. Starting this book has been excellent for me. As i started it, this struck me:

Here's my promise to you. I'm not giving you pabulum. No trite platitudes. No false promises. No pretending. We'll remain real and raw like the Puritans who labeled suffering "losses and crosses." pg. 3

then,

When tragedy occurs, we enter a crisis of faith. We either move toward God or away from God. We'll probe how to move in the direction of finding God in the midst of our suffering

The end in sight is not quick answers through easy steps. Our goal is deep healing through a personal journey--With God, in Christ. He never lets you walk alone.  pg. 7

If you are like me and didn't know what pabulum was, here is the definition:  bland or insipid intellectual fare, entertainment, etc.

Oh, how thankful i am already for this book... to be real and raw. While i am reading it, sometimes it seems like i just lost my Dad a week ago. Yet, here i am. 8+ months out. I am realizing i need to talk about my Dad more, not just keep it all in my head. and i must let the tears roll down my cheeks, still.

With the intense discipling has come some real growth. In the beginning i was so tired of hearing Romans 8:28. You know, the one we pull out when we don't know what to say, instead of sometimes sitting quietly with the person and weeping with them...It is true, yes. God's Word is true and powerful and living. It is a beautiful verse, yet in the context of great loss, it can sound hollow. BUT... when someone pointed out to me that verse 29 follows verse 28, well, it meant more to me:

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son... Romans 8:28-29a

 Think of it... ALL things work for good, BECAUSE He is conforming us to the image of His Son! It is quite a bit to wrap our minds around, and reading Romans 8 in its entirety significantly helps. How encouraging! Even the darkest of nights in my life, He is using it to make me more like Christ. In my suffering, i can identify (albeit not to the extent of Christ's) with Christ in HIS suffering.

I am looking forward to finishing the book on grief. I believe it will continue to solidify the healing that has already begun, and it has already given me "permission" to be real and raw with my pain. If you find yourself suffering for any reason, i believe that Kelleman's book could be a real resource to bring hope (aside from THE Ultimate Source ~ Christ Jesus).

God is taking the ashes of my life and creating something far more beautiful than i could have ever imagined. I would not have chosen this path for myself. Who would? Yet, i am finally seeing how beauty can truly come from the ashes, all for His glory, and His fame.

Change

How do you know when REAL change has taken place? You know what i mean... you say "okay. i am not gonna get upset about ______. I am gonna try harder." and WHALAA! you do okay for a day or two, but then your resolve fizzles and you are blowing it consistently. No amount of pulling yourself up by your boot straps will work.  I would suggest that it is because you have been trying to do it in your own strength, out of a place of pride.

i know. this was me.

There is a TON i could write about this, but i only have time for a short snippet.

Lately, the gospel has been my everything. Every.day. i need the gospel. It is the power of God! As i humbly depend on the finished work of Christ, i notice i am responding to things differently.

Do i blow it? fail? yell?

yep.

but the Holy Spirit is faithful to convict me, to help me to not blame-shift, to take responsibility. i don't wallow in the mud of my failing anymore. i can get up, praise God for the Good News, and keep pressing in.

It struck me this week, how much God has been working. We host a small group 2x's a month. i was actually giddy and joy-filled at the thought of everyone coming over! i wasn't stressed at all. And then yesterday, i spend most of the day just smiling as i did laundry ( i had one hiccup and was frustrated for a bit, but God is faithful to show me my sin, and again i can repent and keep on going). Actually filled with joy in the mundane. Today, mowing and doing yardwork has filled my heart with song. i am realizing that life, every day of it, is a gift from God, that His grace is sufficient, and resting in the finished work of Christ and the knowledge that at this very moment He is ever interceeding for me. Trials WILL come. My faith will stand as it is based in Christ alone, and no longer in my own ability to perform.

Six Months

Six months ago today.

It was Friday.

and it was cold. 

Not as cold as it had been.

but still, cold. 

I was with my Dad.

reading Psalm 34 to him. 

I had no idea that he was actively dying.

He was clammy. 

I thought he was just hot and sweaty.

I prayed. 

and sang. 

Amazing Grace.

and Jesus Loves Me/You.

They came to shift him around.

i came back in and his lips were blue.

running. 

nurses. 

"He is going, honey." 

"He is gone."

God had His people there. 

The head nurse is His. 

She prayed for me, with me. 

"Are you a Christ-one" i mumble.

"Yes. Let's pray." 

It was precious. 

real. 

sincere.

She is a Christ-one. 

I was alone, 

but not alone. 

moved to a room. 

waiting. 

making phone calls. 

crying.

My sister arrived. 

My husband was there

as i went back to the room.

The room where he lay.

still. 

silent. 

no machines. 

no beeps.

no more nurses. 

That day is ingrained in my mind. 

every moment. 

Arrived home to loving friends. 

The Barton's. 

tumbled out of car, 

and finally fell apart.

completely. 

grief. 

oh, grief. 

Friend's stopping in all afternoon, 

and Pastors coming in the evening. 

Tears shed with me. 

love.

absolute love. 

in the midst of deepest grief and pain. 

Christ's hands and feet...every single one of them that came. 

My precious husband. 

Loving me. holding me. letting me weep.

The last 6 months have been some of the most difficult, if not THE most difficult months i have walked through. God is so faithful to carry me. to grow me. to comfort me. to heal me. My dad's passing has brought up so many things. difficult things. i am still surprised at how very much I miss him. I wish i could hear him talk again; see him smile; hear his laugh...even hear him yell. at least he would be here. 

But he is not here. 

He never will be again. 

His death brought about many changes. Familial changes that have been just as difficult to handle. Through it all, God is showing me that He alone is my heritage and my hope. My refuge and my Redeemer. My peace, and my comforter. He is my all in all. 

His Word has become so precious to me. My very life... I long to hide myself in His Word. To cling to the promises. To trust that they are true and that they are for me. My earthly dad is gone. i miss him. i had never gone this long without talking to him. it is so hard. 

But i lift my gaze to heaven, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. I fix my eyes upon Him, the Author and Finisher of my faith. My Jesus. My hope. My security. My God. My Father. My everything. 

Six life-changing months. sorrowful, yet finding moments of joy. hurting, yet finding hope. Biblical hope. REAL HOPE. 

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!!! 

we had a wonderful season of remembering our Lord's coming: His birth, life, death, and resurrection. 

During the break from school, my 2nd grader, Magdalene, let us know that she wants to be homeschooled next year! wow... i truly wasn't ready for that, though i DID sense some stress for her at school. We talked about it, and now next school year i will be homeschooling a 7th, 4th, & 3rd grader! whoa... i can't believe i just wrote that. and i am so confident that this is what God desires for us. to have Maddie ask,well, that HAD to be the Lord directing! 

i am actually LOOKING FORWARD to it, even though i know that it means a bit more work on my end. God will strengthen me; He will uphold me. 

I BELIEVE! 

As i have committed to knowing Him better, He is making so many things so clear. i PRAISE Him for His goodness. For the Word...The Bible. For how He speaks through it..

Looking forward with HOPE and PEACE this year :)

~jeanette

"Do Thou for Me"

But do thou for me, O GOD the Lord, for thy name's sake: because thy mercy is good, deliver thou me. Psalm 109:21

I recently read a devotional from F.R. Havergal. It is from her excellent work Royal Bounty. I found myself praying it just last night, when i had reached the end of my own resources in many situations..."Do Thou for me, O GOD!" Below, the writings of Ms. Havergal, which were so challenging and inspiring...

Do Thou for Me.
'Do Thou for Me.' --Ps. cix. 21.

The Psalmist does not say what he wanted God to do for him. He leaves it open. So this most restful prayer is left open for all perplexed hearts to appropriate 'according to their several necessities.' And so we leave it open for God to fill up in His own way.

Only a trusting heart can pray this prayer at all: the very utterance of it is an act of faith. We could not ask any one whom we did not know intimately and trust implicitly to 'do' for us, without even suggesting what.

Only a self-emptied heart can pray it. It is when we have come to the end of our own resources, or rather, come to see that we never had any at all, that we are willing to accept the fact that we can 'do nothing,' and to let God do everything for us.

Only a loving heart can pray it For nobody likes another to take them and their affairs in hand, and 'do' for them, unless that other is cordially loved. We might submit to it, but we should not like it, and certainly should not seek it.

So, if we have caught at this little prayer as being just what we want, just what it seems a real rest to say, I think it shows that we do trust in Him and not in ourselves, and that we do love Him really and truly. There is sure to be a preface to this prayer. 'Neither know we what to do' (2Chron.20:12). Perhaps we have been shrinking from being brought to this. Rather let us give thanks for it. It is the step down from the drifting wreck on to the ladder still hanging at the side. Will another step be down into the dark water? Go on, a little lower still, fear not! The next is, 'We know not what we should pray for' (Rom. 8:26). Now we have reached the lowest step. What next? 'Do Thou for me.' This is the step into the Captain's boat. Now He will cut loose from the wreck of  our efforts, ladder and all will be left behind, and we have nothing to do but to 'sit still' and let Him take us to our 'desired haven,' probably steering quite a different course from anything we should have thought best. Not seldom 'immediately the ship is at the land whither' we went.  

  What may we, from His own word, expect in answer to this wide petition?

 1. 'What His soul desireth, even that He doeth' (Job 23:13). Contrast this with our constantly felt inability to do a hundredth part of what we desire to do for those we love. Think of what God's desires must be for us, whom He so loves, that He spared not His own Son.  'That He doeth!'

2. 'He performeth the thing that is appointed for me' (Job 23:14). This is wonderfully inclusive; one should read over all the epistles to get a view of the things present and future, seen and unseen, the grace and the glory that He has appointed for us. It includes also all the 'good works which God hath before ordained, that we should walk in them.' It will not be our performance of them, but His; for He 'worketh in you to will and to do,' (Phil.2:13). and 'Thou also hast wrought all our works in us.' (Isa. 26:12).  

3. The beautiful old translations says, He 'shall perform the cause which I have in hand.' (Psalm 57:2<possibly the Geneva Bible>). Does not that make it very real to us to-day? Just the very thing that 'I have in hand,' my own particular bit of work to-day--this cause that I cannot manage, this thing that I undertook in miscalculation of my own power, this is what I may ask Him to do 'for me,' and rest assured that He will perform it.  'The wise and their works are in the hand of God!'

4. He 'performeth all things for me.' (Psalm 57:2). Does He mean as much as this? Well, He has caused it to be written for us 'that we might have hope;' (Romans 15:4) and what more do we want? Then let Him do it. Let Him perform all things for us.

Not some things, but all things; or the very things which we think there is no particular need fro Him to perform will be all failures--wood, hay, and stubble to be burnt up. One by one let us claim this wonderful word; 'the thing of a day in his day,' 'as the matter shall require,' being always brought to Him with the God-given petition, "Do Thou for me.'

Do not wait to feel very much 'oppressed' before you say, 'O Lord, undertake for me.' (Isaiah 38:14).  Far better say that at first than at last, as we have too often done! Bring the prayer in one hand, and the promises in the other, joining them in the faith-clasp of 'Do as Thou hast said!' (2 Samuel 8:2). And put both the hands into the hand of Him whom the Father heareth always, saying, 'Do Thou for me, O Lord God, for Thy name's sake,' for the sake of Jehovah-Jesus, the mighty God, the everlasting Father, yet the Saviour of sinners.  

It was long...but wasn't it worth the read? i now find myself crying out..."Do Thou for me, O Lord, my God!!"