Feel the Night

This song is exquisite.

quiet

it has been quiet here.
for sure.

but, it has NOT been quiet in life.
for sure.

so often i long for space.
time.
quiet.

to sit.
think.
write.
process.

but i have to do those things
surrounded by noise.

it is mostly a good noise.
the noise of a busy home.
children learning.
growing.
changing.

and so,
it may be quiet here.
at least for longer periods of time
than i may desire.

but know that
i, too, am thinking.
learning.
growing.
processing.

and some day
it may spill over
here.
some day.

Free From Facebook

it has been 6 months since i left facebook.
yes.
i am still alive.
and kicking.

i hopped on my husband's the other day, and i can honestly say i don't miss it.
at all.

I am finding that when i talk to people, it actually forces a conversation, because,
no.
i didn't see your post on fb.
so,
how was your weekend?

an observation from a former fb user:
Facebook has done something to our culture. Something i am not a fan of. It has given people a boldness to say things publicly online, that they would not dare to say face-to-face. Why say it online for the world to see, if you are not willing to say it if the person were standing right in front of you?  You may think you are hiding behind the screen, but at some point, reality has to be faced. We need to have the same standard for "facebooking" as we have for conversations that are face-to-face.

Which leads me to another observation:
Some things are better kept private between people, not plastered all over fb for the world to see your disagreement. Some of the things i saw posted grieved me.

We need to learn the art of discretion again.

I am not saying that fb is all bad either.  I see it used for good. I know that people use it to post verses and encouraging songs, sermons, and snippets for the edifying of the Body of Christ.. Kudos!! Keep it up!

I may or may not return to facebook. For now, i am content NOT being on it. And i have decided that for another good chunk of time, i am not going on my husband's account either. If you are a facebook user, may i humbly suggest that you think twice before you post once? It can be used for God's glory...

shaky-quakey

Here's a little "bit" for ya: 

One of my sons had to take a quiz on the Middle Colonies. 

There was a question where he had to type in the answer.

The question was: How would you describe a Quaker, and who was the leader of the Quakers? 

His response? Shaky, and William Penn was the leader of the Quakers in America. 

All i could do was shake my head and laugh...and re-assign the question! 

Hot! Hot! HOT!

We really like habanero peppers. Well, actually, we like to torture ourselves with hot foods. That being said, i grew habaneros again this year. they are one of the hottest in the chili pepper family. 

Yesterday i was slicing my peppers in half so that i could dry them in the oven. Like a good hot-pepper-cutter, i wore gloves. You know? the yellow kitchen gloves that are good for everything? 

The peppers were all halved and put on the parchment paper lined cookie sheet. Popped them in the oven, washed off the gloves, took them off, and went on with my day. 

Awhile later, my son was talking to me. I rubbed my eye with my finger, and BAM!!! Burn, baby, burn!!! My eye was on FIRE! The capsaicin from the blasted habanero went THROUGH my glove!!!!!!!! 

After a few minutes of furiously blinking, the pain started to subside. Poor Jey was standing at the sink with me saying, "I sure hope you feel better mom..." over and over. 

i don't even want to think of what would have happened if i hadn't had gloves on! 

The happy ending: the peppers are all dried now and ready for use at a later date!! 

Grief Observed

It has been over 8 months since my Dad passed away.

I don't talk about him much, though he is most always in my thoughts.

I still get teary-eyed from time to time. I re-live the day of his death often, since i was there with him when he passed.

When my Dad died, everything changed. Everything.

I ended up in some pretty intensive Biblical Discipleship, due to some major upheaval, where i have homework to do: books to read, verses that i pick to memorize, questions to answer, articles to read and pull thoughts out of. It is so good, and so hard all at the same time.

I have seen my sin, as i was immersed in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I saw my bondage to the fear of man, and had to work through some really tough things. But God... God is so FAITHFUL. and gentle. and loving. I even discovered that He doesn't just love me because He has to, but that He likes me as well!

I recently was given God's Healing for Life's Losses: How to Find Hope When You're Hurting by Robert Kellemen. Starting this book has been excellent for me. As i started it, this struck me:

Here's my promise to you. I'm not giving you pabulum. No trite platitudes. No false promises. No pretending. We'll remain real and raw like the Puritans who labeled suffering "losses and crosses." pg. 3

then,

When tragedy occurs, we enter a crisis of faith. We either move toward God or away from God. We'll probe how to move in the direction of finding God in the midst of our suffering

The end in sight is not quick answers through easy steps. Our goal is deep healing through a personal journey--With God, in Christ. He never lets you walk alone.  pg. 7

If you are like me and didn't know what pabulum was, here is the definition:  bland or insipid intellectual fare, entertainment, etc.

Oh, how thankful i am already for this book... to be real and raw. While i am reading it, sometimes it seems like i just lost my Dad a week ago. Yet, here i am. 8+ months out. I am realizing i need to talk about my Dad more, not just keep it all in my head. and i must let the tears roll down my cheeks, still.

With the intense discipling has come some real growth. In the beginning i was so tired of hearing Romans 8:28. You know, the one we pull out when we don't know what to say, instead of sometimes sitting quietly with the person and weeping with them...It is true, yes. God's Word is true and powerful and living. It is a beautiful verse, yet in the context of great loss, it can sound hollow. BUT... when someone pointed out to me that verse 29 follows verse 28, well, it meant more to me:

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son... Romans 8:28-29a

 Think of it... ALL things work for good, BECAUSE He is conforming us to the image of His Son! It is quite a bit to wrap our minds around, and reading Romans 8 in its entirety significantly helps. How encouraging! Even the darkest of nights in my life, He is using it to make me more like Christ. In my suffering, i can identify (albeit not to the extent of Christ's) with Christ in HIS suffering.

I am looking forward to finishing the book on grief. I believe it will continue to solidify the healing that has already begun, and it has already given me "permission" to be real and raw with my pain. If you find yourself suffering for any reason, i believe that Kelleman's book could be a real resource to bring hope (aside from THE Ultimate Source ~ Christ Jesus).

God is taking the ashes of my life and creating something far more beautiful than i could have ever imagined. I would not have chosen this path for myself. Who would? Yet, i am finally seeing how beauty can truly come from the ashes, all for His glory, and His fame.

Selling Hugs?

As i was driving in the van with my two daughters, my youngest spots a sign with BIG BRIGHT BOLD letters... She knows that we follow these signs [if you haven't guessed, it would be garage sale signs]! 

She says: "Mom! Look! There is a sign for a Hug sale! haha!" 

 

Me: "OH! it is a HUGE sale...heehee!" 

I wonder, if someone put up a sign selling hugs, how much money you would make? 

Today, i choose to be more generous with my hugs....for free :)

Real love. Really.

No Chasers...

So, we had a pretty big storm here last night. Hail that was 2"x1"x1" thick. It was big, bad, and scary. Honestly sounded like someone was throwing fistfuls of large rocks at our north side.

So, today i called insurance.

i am SO not going up on the roof to check for damage.
neither is the hubby.

Our insurance agency is stellar...really. The woman who helps us isn't even the agent, but she is his right hand, FOR SURE. She is so helpful, and even remembers who we are. That right there is pretty cool. Well, she said an adjuster would call us within a few days, and it may take a couple weeks for someone to come out. No biggie. Then she kindly warned me about any storm chasers and to avoid them.

Yep.

I have seen the stories. Bad stories, of people taken for a ride by "roofers" and "contractors" that hit neighborhoods after a big storm. STAY AWAY... Got it.

I had been off the phone for less than an hour when, lo and behold, here comes a storm chaser! I met him on the porch, and he handed me his business card. I very kindly (seriously!) thanked him for stopping but told him i was going through our insurance company.

You would have thought that i had called him every nasty name in the book! No kidding! He starts telling me, quite vehemently, that i need to just use him and not use insurance. I quite nicely informed him that we weren't even sure we had damage, and we were waiting for an adjuster. I also stated that our insurance company has served us quite well and has always taken care of our needs. (:

He had had enough. I got a rather passionate speech about why adjusters are basically evil, and that i needed to go through him. Then, winner of all winners, he tries to name-drop with me! We have one incredibly wealthy man on the edge of our neighborhood. He owns a real estate group, and even has the street he lives on (which he had all the homes built...4 of them i believe) named after himself. Nice.

I politely said, "Well, good for Mr.______." Fairly ticked at me by this point because i didn't fall for his intimidation and now his name dropping, he said something again, and i honestly can't remember it! I replied that i would take his card and possibly call him if the need arose after we spoke to our adjuster and insurance company.

He huffed off our porch.

I smiled.

Then it dawned on me that i wouldn't call him, even if we did need a roofer. His rudeness and attitude toward me sunk his ship.

Moral: Go through your insurance, and smile at the storm chasers, no matter how irritated they get.

Courageous Roots

We have recently returned from a wonderful family vacation. We were in my husband's home state, and then we continued on after several nights to my Dad's home state, New Jersey. This was a bitter-sweet trip for me, as my Dad passed away January 25th of this year, and we were staying with my Grandpop, his dad. It was wonderful to be surrounded by family, and to be loved and supported by them.

One highlight for me was listening to my Grandpop's stories from when he was younger. He talked of his mother often. I could hear the love he had for her in his voice. One point of contention for him and his siblings seems to be that their parents would not speak English. My great-grandfather immigrated from Sicily in 1921 i think. One and a half years later, my great-grandmother and her 3 year old son immegrated and joined him... Sebastiano, then Marianna with little Giuseppi (or Joseph). Even though they clung to the ways of the old country, my Grandpop still had love and affection for his mother.

a picture of my great grandmum & my dad in Phili.

Great Grandmum. I am inspired by her courage. She was so tired of the warring and fighting. She did not want to lose anyone to wars. Her husband had served in WWI in the Italian Army. She wanted to leave Sicily and come to America. So, they did! They left all they knew, to come to a new country. At that time, our country DID NOT give the immigrants anything. They came with all they owned or could carry across they sea. They then had to find work and housing. They could only come by being sponsored by someone here in the U.S. Thus, Sebastiano was sponsored by an uncle (or cousin??) that was here. He then had to PROVE that he could support his wife and son before they were able to come. Once done, they came and made a new life here. They landed in Philidelphia and were a part of the large community of Italians, which was know as 'Little Italy'. There are so many stories that my Grandpop told of life then! What stands out in my mind is the courage it took for them to leave home and come start all over again in a new country. My great-grandmother was a woman of courage and stamina. She gave her life to serve her husband and her children. That was what she did. She raised her family. She served her husband. She did all this in a new country, not knowing the language.

Listening to the stories of the various women in the family, from my great grandmum, to my great aunt, to my grandmum, i realized one common thing... they served. They served their families. That was priority. Everything else came second to that one thing. I needed to be reminded of that. I needed to hear the stories. I needed to take courage and embrace serving my family with the same passion. And i serve my family, my husband and kids, to the glory of our great and awesome God.

I am ever thankful for this trip. It reminded me of my roots. It showed me my heritage (my earthly heritage). It inspired me to serve my husband and children, for God's glory, with all my heart. Is it easy? No. Is it supposed to be? I don't think so. But, i DO know, that with God's strength, all things are possible!

Hold On

Not sure if you have ever been so desperate that all you can do is cling to the promises in God's Word, but if you have, this song will resonate with you.. I know i have found myself on the kitchen floor in tears and praying before...
just bein' real here.

This is actually a song my husband is liking right now too, so you could say this is kind of a post from him ;).

you can click play on the video, but it will make you go to YouTube to watch it...

Take Time; Be Soft

A soft answer turns away wrath,

But a harsh word stirs up anger...

The heart of the righteous studies how to answer,

But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.

~Proverbs 15:1, 28

What practical wisdom for our daily lives rests in these two verses! Just think of it...  In the heat of the moment you respond brashly, quickly, harshly. You say what you never wanted to say. You see the hurt on the other person's face. Once again, you think. I did it once again. 

These two verses have hit me hard. How many conflicts could have turned out differently if i had just taken time to study how to answer? How differently could they have turned out if i would have chosen to have a soft answer? This is no easy task, let me be the first one to say it! But the fruit of walking in the wisdom of these verses is almost immeasurable. Let's consider a few benefits of taking our time to respond, and responding softly:

• we honor the Lord. By taking time to think and pray before we respond to things, we honor God. How? Frankly, because we are much less likely to sin in our response. His Holy Spirit will give us wisdom and gentleness if we ask. 

• We show respect for the person we are having the confrontation or difference with. By taking time to think, we are showing them that we care about them, and that we don't want to hurt them with our words.

• We can deepen our relationships. By taking time and answering softly, we are showing love for God and for that person. Sometimes when we face a difficult situation, a soft or a harsh answer can be the difference between the relationship surviving or collapsing. Those difficult conversations can be a turning point for deepening the relationship though, because, once again, we show them love by considering how to answer, and by not just spewing out venom. 

Left to ourselves, this is nearly impossible to do. But, praise be to God the Father, we are not left to ourselves if we have hidden ourselves in Christ. We have the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit to strengthen us and help us in our time of need. 

May we show that we love the Lord, and each other, by taking our time to respond, and by responding with a soft answer. 

 

Mark

NOTE TO SELF: this is a longer entry!! more like a "bob" than a "bit" (heehee)

Thursday, June 6, 2013 marked an important day in the life of our family: it was the last day, Lord willing, that any of our children would enter or leave a public school as a student. We are now home-educating all of them. Our 1st grader attended public school this year, because she got the teacher we requested. This is a teacher who loves our family, and is incredibly special to us.

Today also marked the last day my daughter would get on and off the school bus.

enter: Mark.

I don't know how long Mark has driven the bus. I know for the last four years he has driven my kids to school. Last year he had 3 out of 4 of them. This year, just one. And let me tell you, this little one he had this year was scared to go on the bus without her siblings. Her fears were soon relieved, as Mark looked out for her and always smiled at her and her friend. This was an answered prayer from this little Mamma's heart.

Mark carries precious cargo every day to school and back again. He is also carried by that precious cargo, in their heart, at least the precious cargo at this stop. Last week, we didn't have Mark driving the bus. We had a sub. And when my little one heard the sub saying to someone that Mark may not be back before the end of the year, well, her little heart just broke. That evening she just cried. yes... cried. Her little heart was so sad that she wouldn't get to see him. See what i mean? The precious cargo he carries also carries him. The next day, I asked the sub if Mark would be back. She said she thought so, that there had been a death in the family. Immediately my heart grieved for him.

This past Monday, Mark was back!! Oh happy day! Joy of joys for our precious cargo! We had prayed about it, and God answered. I told Mark that my little one was so happy! I told him that she had cried when she thought she wouldn't see him again. I can't explain the look on his face... touched, i guess.

It was the next morning, Tuesday, that Mark motioned for me to come to the bus, and he shared with me that his step-son had passed away. He was only 30. He knew i had lost my Dad recently, and that i would understand. The other mom at the stop (a friend of mine) and I asked if we could do anything... bring a meal, anything. No... but thanks. Well, of course we sprang in to action anyway, and picked up a gift card from Noodles, and a card. This morning we were able to give it to him. I got a picture of him with our girls, and he  shed a tear, i do believe, which in turn, made us Moms get emotional!

It really got me thinking today. Mark has NO IDEA how much he means to us. That he is so much more than a bus driver! I decided to write him a letter of thanks, expressing my gratitude, though words seemed to fall short. I won't share the details of the letter, though i did share the one source of all comfort as he and his wife grieve, Jesus Christ.

 It really got me thinking though, about how many of us just do what we need to do and think "i am just a bus driver... home-maker... or cashier... teacher... or_______." May I be one to tell you just how much you may mean to even ONE person. And that is something that could last into eternity. When i saw just how much Mark meant to my daughter and her friend, i was deeply touched. This one man has made an impression on my girl that will last a lifetime.

Colossians 3:23-24 states:  And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ. 

May all we do, even if we think it is unimportant, be done for His glory, fame, and honor alone.

Along the Way...with Worms

Now this is the commandment, and these are the statutes and judgments which the Lord your God has commanded to teach you, that you may observe them in the land which you are crossing over to possess, ² that you may fear the Lord your God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments which I command you, you and your son and your grandson, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged. ³ Therefore hear, O Israel, and be careful to observe it, that it may be well with you, and that you may multiply greatly as the Lord God of your fathers has promised you—‘a land flowing with milk and honey.’
⁴ “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! ⁵ You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.⁶ “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. ⁷ You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. ⁸ You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. ⁹ You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:1-9

These verses in Deuteronomy have been on my mind for a very l-o-n-g time. I don't know about you, but i really struggle with talking about God in the every day moments. That right there should be a wake up call for me! Lately i have been working at being much more intentional at bringing our sweet Lord into every day moments.

Yesterday, my daughter and i were out in the garden weeding. She found worms...and thought they were cool (for the first time ~ EVER). She was talking to them, petting them, and making sure that they were put back in the dirt and covered before their worm-slime dried out in the sun. Watching her fascination with these creatures was amazing.

Then,

It dawned on me! THIS IS A MOMENT when i can bring the wonderful Creator of all things into our conversation. I told her how incredibly cool it is that God created worms, specifically to make our gardens healthy. We talked about how worms naturally add compost to the soil; how they tunnel and break up the soil (which, by the way, is MUCH needed when it is CLAY!). This was a moment. A moment when i could talk to my daughter about the wonders of even the seemingly insignificant parts of nature, that God lovingly created. We talked about how He made everything. How everything matters and everything is important in creation.

Finally,

My husband came outside to chat with us. She excitedly told him about the worms, and that she had **gasp** touched them! Do you know what he just naturally did? Yep....told her about how cool it is that God created worms and how beneficial they are to the garden.

We are learning.
Learning to teach.
Every moment that God gives us with them.

A Reversible Confession

source

okay. i have a confession to make. I have just learned how to use a reversible belt. i am 38 years old.

About a month ago, i purchased a reversible belt for $20, instead of paying over $40 for two belts: one black and one brown. Feeling pretty good about saving some money, it never dawned on me that i didn't get how it worked.

Once home, i was playing with it, trying to figure it out. To my dismay, i realized that i must have purchased a broken one, because there was no way to turn the buckle part around to get it to flip. I sadly put it back in the bag, knowing that one more trip to the store was needed.

Later that night, i confessed to my hubby that i had to take my new belt back, since it was clearly mislabeled and was not reversible. With a smirk on his snerk, he took the belt, pulled the buckle a bit, and then, amazingly, twisted it around  (you can see how it twists in the pic if you are like me and didn't know)!

IT WORKED!

I literally stood amazed that he knew how to do it. He felt pretty good, and i had found, once again, a hero in my husband. He also saved me vast amounts of embarrassment, being that i didn't have to go return the silly thing. i can only imagine what the clerks would have said upon my exiting the store! 

i have lived for this long having no clue how reversible belts worked!

wonderful little things.

the strange part? almost every time i put it on (which is every day), i am still baffled at how cool reversible belts are.

Short trip to happy? YOU BET (~: