"Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of earth,
Will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace."
We sang this little chorus at the end of the service yesterday at Grace Community Bible Church, our new church home. I cannot express how much I needed to hear AND sing the words of this chorus. God knew, though, and there it was.
I think I need to back up. Years ago there were words spoken to me by someone who was a very close friend that have affected me in every relationship I have, creating in me a huge sense of insecurity and fear, even within my marriage. I say this to show you the power of words. Words can build up or tear down. And words last.
I am a blessed woman. I know this. I have wonderful friendships and a wonderful sisterhood around me. Truly, I know how blessed I am. Yet, the enemy of my soul loves to use the fiery dart spoken to me so long ago to cast a shadow over me. And I let him. ugh.
Seemingly out of nowhere, the flaming arrows come and pierce me. My response? To doubt and believe the lies. Why? I guess sometimes it just seems easier to believe the lie. Also, it gets at a place in me that I have struggled with for so long .... wanting to have value to others. I wonder, if we are all honest, don't we all long for that? Possibly it borders on people-pleasing. More likely, I wonder if we have made an idol of finding our value in what other's think of us, or how much we mean to other people? ouch. Oh, Lord, forgive me.
This weekend, the shadow was cast over me, and I reacted. I became emotional, crabby, and short with my kids. Why? Because I questioned my worth and value in a relationship. This really highlighted for me that I still struggle with what was said to me so long ago.
- That the enemy still had that hook in me.
- That I am inherently a people-pleaser.
- That I want recognition, adoration, accolades.
- That I want the praise of men.
- That I want acceptance.
In worship on Sunday, we sang beautiful, meaningful hymns and choruses. I was fighting tears numerous times, as we sang about our Saviour and what He accomplished for us, and the hope that we have in Him. I saw my own selfishness and how much i looked to humanity for value. I realized that I needed to shift my eyes to the Lover of my soul, and to get these hooks out of my heart. That I needed to let go of this world, and the affections I seek after here, and find all my needs met in Him alone. Only then, i believe, can i truly love freely, without fear. Only then can all of my relationships be free from the baggage of the past.
After the sermon (which was excellent!), i realized i needed to rest in God's sovereign grace. Then we sang a hymn and then the little chorus i opened with. How simple, and yet so profound..... Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Completely. Have your gaze FIXED on Him alone. This must be our perspective.
The things of this earth will grow strangely dim in the light of HIS glory and grace. It is through Jesus Christ that we can fully enjoy the blessings here, as we traverse upon this sod.
May we truly rest in Him. May we love without fear. May we bring Him glory and honor in ALL that we do.
I had a friendship just like that Jeanette. Even after time, an email to apologize, and an attempt to mend the friendship, it is over. And I just figure its for the best. My "friend" also said some things that aren't true and made a point to make herself feel better by putting me down. Whatever her reasons, its hard for me to sometimes forget those words as hard as I try to. I think its hard not to people please. I think a lot of people feel as you do Jeanette..I think we all want to be accepted and valued. Maybe its human nature. I think its a lesson we all need to learn and continue to learn.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thoughts, Michelle. It is a difficult thing to learn. I wonder if none of this would have come up for me the way it has, were we not studying in the book of John how the leaders loved the praise of men more than the praise of God!
ReplyDeleteI was blind-sided by my own inner response to something, and realized the hooks that were in me. My idolatrous heart. God is faithful to expose our sin and lead us to repentence through His kindness.