1.22.2014

from Penal Suffering to Loving Sovereignty

When our church held their Thanksgiving Eve service, i was asked to give a testimony about how I had learned that God didn't just love me because He had to, but that He actually liked me. This past year has been truly one of the most difficult years i have had. This saturday will mark the one-year anniversary of my Dad's death. This is not an anniversary i wanted to have, nor do i celebrate it, though through some tears i am remembering the good things about who he was. Through this year, i have learned more about God, the gospel, and myself than i could have without walking through the suffering and pain.

I share my testimony here....it should take about 7-10 minutes to read :)

From Penal Suffering to Loving Sovereignty ~ Thanksgiving Eve, 2013

(the following paragraph are all song titles that have ministered God's truth to me through the last number of months) 
Though You Slay Me and Move in Mysterious Ways, I will Turn My Eyes Upon Jesus, and cry out, "Jesus, Draw Me Ever Nearer". Because You Walked in Lonely Places, I can now Lift Up My Sorrows, knowing that You Did That For Me. Amazing Grace sets me on A Firm Foundation, knowing that Jesus exchanged His Robes for Mine. In Christ Alone can I truly say "It Is Well With My Soul!" Amazing love, how can it be that Thou, my God, shouldst die for me? Praise the Lord, for GREAT things He IS doing!!


Sara Groves simply, yet profoundly states “I believe in a peace that flows deeper than pain, 

That broken find healing in love; Pain is no measure of His faithfulness, He withholds no good thing from us.”

I could not say that with confidence a few months ago. I grew up overhearing it said about me that i was loved, because i had to be, but that i was not liked. I had wrongly assumed that God felt the same way.  I believed that God loved me out of obligation, because He promised to since i had called on the name of Christ. Yet it was a begrudging love; A love that was just waiting for me to mess up so that He could punish me. I falsely believed that He only tolerated me; that the sufferings and trials i faced in life were punishments for my sin, because Christ’s death simply wasn’t enough. I still had to pay.

But God…!

Over the past months, God has faithfully revealed to me my sinful thinking. Through reading His precious Word, the preaching of His Word, godly counsel, and other books, God has lovingly shown me the Truth through His Holy Spirit.

And what is that Truth? It is that He, God, likes me. He doesn’t love me because He has to, He actually delights in me.. 
 “The Lord your God is in your midst,victorious warrior.He will exult over you with joy,He will be quiet in His love,He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy. Zephaniah 3:17

His Word says in Ephesians 1:3-7 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before [d]Him. In love5 [e]He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the [f]kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.

I have learned that God is a loving Sovereign; that the trials and sufferings I face are given to me by a loving Father who is working all things to my good, in order to conform me to the image of His glorious Son. Believe me when I say that the last verse I wanted to hear after my Dad died and all the trials since, was Romans 8:28. But one day, someone pointed out to me that verse 29 follows! Here it is…Here is WHY God causes ALL things (yes, even that really painful situation) to work for the good of the called:  And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. 29 For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son.
I can now truly believe and embrace the truths that Joseph Alliene penned so very long ago:
From the curse of the cross I will deliver you (Psalm 119:71). Afflictions shall prove a wholesome cup to you; your Lord has drunk the venom into His won body, and what remains for you is but a healthful potion which I promise shall work for your good (Romans 8:28). Be not afraid to drink, nor desire that the cup should pass from you. I bless the cup before I give it to you (Job 5:17). Drink all of it and be thankful; you shall find My blessing a the bottom of the cup to sweeten the sharpest afflictions to you (James 1:12; Psalm 94:12). I will stand by you in all conditions, and be a fast Friend to you in every change (Isaiah 43:2). In the wilderness I will speak comfortably to you, and in the fire and water I will be with you (Hosea 2:14). I will be a strength to the poor and a strength to the needy in his distress; a refuge from the storm, and  a shadow from the heat, when the blast of terrible ones is as a storm against the wall (Isaiah 25:4). Your sufferings shall not be a cup of wrath, but a grace cup; not a curse, but a cure; not a cup of trembling, but a cup of blessing to you (Hebrews 12:6-8). They shall not hurt you, but heal you (Psalm 119:67). My blessing shall attend you in every condition (Genesis 26:3).  from The Precious Promises of the Gospel, pg. 10  (note: this book was written from the perspective of God speaking the Gospel truth to His people. It is full of Scripture. It is taking the promises and truths of the Word and writing them out as though God were saying them personally to you. It is not to be read AS Scripture, but as a more devotional reading, with study of the Scriptures mentioned). 
In summary, Colossians 3:3 states For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. I will just read a part from my journal that I think best expresses how this verse helped me see the love of God:
I have begun to wrestle with being IN Christ. I read Romans 8 again yesterday. Read Col. 3:1-2. prayed. As I started working on the thought that God loves me because he is obligated to because I have followed Christ, but he doesn't like me very much, it started to penetrate.. that I am IN Christ.It hit me. I have to die. die to so many of my fleshly desires. And that all the stuff in Romans 8 is true that He will raise me up to life in Christ. then I realized that Col. 3 is true! I am hidden with Christ, in God. God see's all the goodness of Christ when He looks at me. I am hidden IN Christ, and hidden WITH Christ. So, God looks at Christ, and He doesn't tolerate Christ. He loves Him. He enjoys Him. Christ is His Son. And I am hidden within that.  I am choosing to not despise this small step, to walk on in faith. To press in. To BELIEVE this truth, regardless of feelings; to RECKON IT SO.
A few quotes and I am done. One email I received simply stated this: Jeanette the Lord likes you a lot. I just wept when I read that. And another said this: Your story is being woven together by a Master Artisan Whose ways are so mysterious and often painful, yet so glorious and beautiful!

John Piper has snippets of a sermon piped into a song by Shane & Shane called Though You Slay Me: this song was significant in this journey. He says that our pain is not meaningless. It has a purpose, whether it was cancer, or criticism, sickness or slander… it is producing and eternal weight of glory. We may never see the purpose here, but we can know that we are loved more than we ever deserve, we are liked and delighted in by our loving Sovereign, and He IS WORKING ALL THINGS FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE WHO ARE THE CALLED!
2 Corinthians 4:8-9,  we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing;persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;…therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. 17 For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, 18 while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
Paul Tripp says this: “So God’s grace isn’t always comfortable, because He isn’t primarily working on our comfort; He’s working on our character. With violent grace He will crush us because He loves us, and is committed to our restoration, deliverance, and refinement. And THAT is something worth celebrating.”

I close with a hymn by the Getty’s. May this be the prayer of all of our hearts:


Jesus, Draw me ever nearer

As I labor through the storm
You have called me to this passage
And I'll follow, though I'm worn

May this journey bring a blessing
May I rise on wings of faith
And at the end of my hearts testing
With Your likeness let me wake

Jesus, guide me through the tempest
Keep my spirit stayed and sure
When the midnight meets the morning
Let me love You even more

May this journey bring a blessing
May I rise on wings of faith
And at the end of my hearts testing
With Your likeness let me wake

Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go
And at the end of this long passage
Let me leave them at your throne

May this journey bring a blessing
May I rise on wings of faith
And at the end of my hearts testing
With Your likeness let me wake

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