Still My Soul

This song was sung a week ago at church. I was out of the room when it was sung by our Pastor's wife and his sister. I looked it up yesterday, and was encouraged greatly.

I pray it is an encouragement to you as well (:

Six Months

Six months ago today.

It was Friday.

and it was cold. 

Not as cold as it had been.

but still, cold. 

I was with my Dad.

reading Psalm 34 to him. 

I had no idea that he was actively dying.

He was clammy. 

I thought he was just hot and sweaty.

I prayed. 

and sang. 

Amazing Grace.

and Jesus Loves Me/You.

They came to shift him around.

i came back in and his lips were blue.

running. 

nurses. 

"He is going, honey." 

"He is gone."

God had His people there. 

The head nurse is His. 

She prayed for me, with me. 

"Are you a Christ-one" i mumble.

"Yes. Let's pray." 

It was precious. 

real. 

sincere.

She is a Christ-one. 

I was alone, 

but not alone. 

moved to a room. 

waiting. 

making phone calls. 

crying.

My sister arrived. 

My husband was there

as i went back to the room.

The room where he lay.

still. 

silent. 

no machines. 

no beeps.

no more nurses. 

That day is ingrained in my mind. 

every moment. 

Arrived home to loving friends. 

The Barton's. 

tumbled out of car, 

and finally fell apart.

completely. 

grief. 

oh, grief. 

Friend's stopping in all afternoon, 

and Pastors coming in the evening. 

Tears shed with me. 

love.

absolute love. 

in the midst of deepest grief and pain. 

Christ's hands and feet...every single one of them that came. 

My precious husband. 

Loving me. holding me. letting me weep.

The last 6 months have been some of the most difficult, if not THE most difficult months i have walked through. God is so faithful to carry me. to grow me. to comfort me. to heal me. My dad's passing has brought up so many things. difficult things. i am still surprised at how very much I miss him. I wish i could hear him talk again; see him smile; hear his laugh...even hear him yell. at least he would be here. 

But he is not here. 

He never will be again. 

His death brought about many changes. Familial changes that have been just as difficult to handle. Through it all, God is showing me that He alone is my heritage and my hope. My refuge and my Redeemer. My peace, and my comforter. He is my all in all. 

His Word has become so precious to me. My very life... I long to hide myself in His Word. To cling to the promises. To trust that they are true and that they are for me. My earthly dad is gone. i miss him. i had never gone this long without talking to him. it is so hard. 

But i lift my gaze to heaven, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. I fix my eyes upon Him, the Author and Finisher of my faith. My Jesus. My hope. My security. My God. My Father. My everything. 

Six life-changing months. sorrowful, yet finding moments of joy. hurting, yet finding hope. Biblical hope. REAL HOPE. 

Given to Evil?

Our Lips Kept For Him

Opened Treasures is a daily devotional book. It is a compilation of Frances Ridley Havergal's writings. I have the full text of many of her writings in other books of hers from the 1800's. Opened Treasures uses an abridged version. I thoroughly enjoy it as a devotional. This one is spot on with what i have been meditating on lately.

Our Lips For Him

The lips of the righteous feed many...The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable.

   Proverbs 10:21, 32

The days are past forever when we said, "Our lips are our own." Now we know that they are not our own. And yet how many of my readers often have the miserable consciousness that they have "spoken unadvisedly with their lips!" How many pray, "Keep the door of my lips,"when the very last thing they think of expecting is that they will be kept! They deliberately make up their minds that hasty word, or foolish words, or exaggerated words, according to their respective temptations, must and will slip out of that door, and that it can't be helped. The extent of the real meaning of their prayer was merely that not quite so many might slip out. As their faith went no farther, the answer went no farther, and so the door was not kept. Do let us look the matter straight in the face. Either we have committed our lips to our Lord, or we have not. This question must be settled first. If not, oh, do not let another hour pass! Take them to Jesus, and ask Him to take them. But when you have committed them to Him, it comes to this--is He able or is He not able to keep that which you have committed to Him? If He is not able, of course you may as well give up at once, for your own experience has abundantly proved that you are not able, so there is no help for you. But if He is able--nay, thank God there is no if on this side!--say, rather, as He is able, where was this inevitable necessity of perpetual failure? You have been fancying yourself virtually doomed and fated to it, and therefore you have gone on in it, while all the time His arm was not shortened that it could not save, but you have been limiting the Holy One of Israel. Honestly, now, have you trusted Him to keep your lips this day? Trust necessarily implies expectation that what we have intrusted will be kept. If you have not expected Him to keep, you have not trusted. You may have tried and tried very hard, but you have not trusted, and therefore you have not been kept and your lips have been the snare of your soul (Proverbs 18:7).  ~ Frances R. Havergal

Remember, your comments make this a conversation (:

Be Not Weary, Beloved

Be Not Weary.

Yes! He knows the way is dreary,

Knows the weakness of our frame. 

Knows that hand and heart are weary

He, 'in all points,' felt the same.

He is near to help and bless;

Be not weary, onward press.

Look to Him who once was willing

All His glory to resign,

That, for thee the law fulfilling,

All His merit might be thine.

Strive to follow day by day

Where His footsteps mark the way.

Look to Him, the Lord of Glory,

Tasting death to win thy life;

Gazing on 'that wondrous story,'

Canst thou falter in the strife?

Is it not new life to know

That the Lord hath loved thee so!

Look to Him who ever liveth, 

Interceding for His own:

Seek, yea, claim the grace He giveth

Freely from His priestly throne.

Will He not thy strength renew

With His Spirit's quickening dew?

Look to Him, and faith shall brighten,

Hope shall soar, and love shall burn;

Peace once more thy heart shall lighten;

Rise ! He calleth thee, return !

Be not weary on they way, 

Jesus is thy strength and stay. 

~Frances Ridley Havergal

Love WHO?

One of Jesus' most difficult teachings is for us to love our enemies (Matthew 5:43-47).

um. yeah.

like trying to swallow a watermelon...whole.

but it must be possible.

it has to be.

not in our own strength.

but through the power of the Holy Spirit.

absolutely dependent upon Jesus Christ.

May His strength be made perfect in our weakness.

May He be glorified as we do the hard work, in His strength.

There WILL be a day....

This was so encouraging today :) Lifting my eyes to the One who heals and holds.

Realness

Realness.

Something i crave. 

REAL people. REAL lives. REAL mess. REAL joy. REAL hope. REAL faith. 

Realness.

You know it when you see it. 

Someone who isn't afraid to be real with their life.

Or maybe they are terrified but choose to be real anyway.

I am finding the more real i get, the more afraid i become. 

Afraid of what? 

rejection.

abandonment.

being judged.

what others think. 

what others are saying about me.

the mess.

afraid that people get tired of those who are in the midst of a trial.

My realness is pretty messy right now. 

The Word of God is my only hope. It is TRUTH.

i am clinging to it with desperation.

gasping for breath, i reach for the Bible, hoping to find life-giving words. 

and i always do. 

The other night i read Romans 8 and found such comfort, though in many ways i grapple with the words printed on the page. 

i think: 

could it really be true? 

Does God love me that much?

Nothing can separate me from His love... NOTHING??? not even my messiness? 

Is all of this really working for my good? 

This is being real. being willing to ask the questions. To work through it. to NOT hide from it. To share it with you. 

My head can give a hearty assent to all those questions, but my heart wrestles. in the midst of pain and sorrow, it wrestles with what i see versus what i can't see... 

 "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

Realness. working out Romans 8. it's messy. but it's a good messy.

Remembering

Remembering my Dad, Benjamin John Piazza, today in a couple pictures...

circa 1948 in Phili

mid-80's

1985 in Jersey for a wedding. I was there for the summer, and he came out and flew home with me after the wedding of Uncle Frank.

circa 1977?
my dad and i in Jersey :)

2010 in Jersey
My Dad ~ Ben, Uncle Mike, Grandpop, Uncle Frank, & Uncle John

God's Lovingkindness

Sunday's sermon stopped me in my tracks. One of our Elders, Pastor Dan Burris, was preaching on Ruth. He focused in on the lovingkindness of Boaz toward Ruth, and how Boaz was the instrument God used to show His lovingkindness. It was really a wonderful message. You can click to listen to it on the sidebar...it should be there shortly if it isn't already... 7.7.13 is the message date---->.

What is it that stopped me in my tracks? The amazing lovingkindness of God. Pastor Dan did an amazing job weaving all of scripture together, and showing God's chesed love for His people, me included. One thing he said is that God doesn't love with an exit strategy. that hit me. hard. God loves totally and completely. His love is for me, for us. I could type more, but won't. I am still processing it. Just wanted to share with you  that God loves His own completely, and He does not look for an exit, or a way out, of His relationship with you or I. As the psalmist would say.... Selah.


Here are the lyrics to a song we sang Sunday as well. These were a beautiful reminder of so many truths that i tend to forget.

His Robes for Mine by Chris Anderson & Greg Habegger

His robes for mine: O wonderful exchange!
Clothed in my sin, Christ suffered ‘neath God’s rage.
Draped in His righteousness, I’m justified.
In Christ I live, for in my place He died.

Chorus:

I cling to Christ, and marvel at the cost:
Jesus forsaken, God estranged from God.
Bought by such love, my life is not my own.
My praise-my all-shall be for Christ alone.

His robes for mine: what cause have I for dread?
God’s daunting Law Christ mastered in my stead.
Faultless I stand with righteous works not mine,
Saved by my Lord’s vicarious death and life.

His robes for mine: God’s justice is appeased.

Jesus is crushed, and thus the Father’s pleased.
Christ drank God’s wrath on sin, then cried “Tis done!”
Sin’s wage is paid; propitiation won.

His robes for mine: such anguish none can know.
Christ, God’s beloved, condemned as though His foe.
He, as though I, accursed and left alone;
I, as though He, embraced and welcomed home!

Courageous Roots

We have recently returned from a wonderful family vacation. We were in my husband's home state, and then we continued on after several nights to my Dad's home state, New Jersey. This was a bitter-sweet trip for me, as my Dad passed away January 25th of this year, and we were staying with my Grandpop, his dad. It was wonderful to be surrounded by family, and to be loved and supported by them.

One highlight for me was listening to my Grandpop's stories from when he was younger. He talked of his mother often. I could hear the love he had for her in his voice. One point of contention for him and his siblings seems to be that their parents would not speak English. My great-grandfather immigrated from Sicily in 1921 i think. One and a half years later, my great-grandmother and her 3 year old son immegrated and joined him... Sebastiano, then Marianna with little Giuseppi (or Joseph). Even though they clung to the ways of the old country, my Grandpop still had love and affection for his mother.

a picture of my great grandmum & my dad in Phili.

Great Grandmum. I am inspired by her courage. She was so tired of the warring and fighting. She did not want to lose anyone to wars. Her husband had served in WWI in the Italian Army. She wanted to leave Sicily and come to America. So, they did! They left all they knew, to come to a new country. At that time, our country DID NOT give the immigrants anything. They came with all they owned or could carry across they sea. They then had to find work and housing. They could only come by being sponsored by someone here in the U.S. Thus, Sebastiano was sponsored by an uncle (or cousin??) that was here. He then had to PROVE that he could support his wife and son before they were able to come. Once done, they came and made a new life here. They landed in Philidelphia and were a part of the large community of Italians, which was know as 'Little Italy'. There are so many stories that my Grandpop told of life then! What stands out in my mind is the courage it took for them to leave home and come start all over again in a new country. My great-grandmother was a woman of courage and stamina. She gave her life to serve her husband and her children. That was what she did. She raised her family. She served her husband. She did all this in a new country, not knowing the language.

Listening to the stories of the various women in the family, from my great grandmum, to my great aunt, to my grandmum, i realized one common thing... they served. They served their families. That was priority. Everything else came second to that one thing. I needed to be reminded of that. I needed to hear the stories. I needed to take courage and embrace serving my family with the same passion. And i serve my family, my husband and kids, to the glory of our great and awesome God.

I am ever thankful for this trip. It reminded me of my roots. It showed me my heritage (my earthly heritage). It inspired me to serve my husband and children, for God's glory, with all my heart. Is it easy? No. Is it supposed to be? I don't think so. But, i DO know, that with God's strength, all things are possible!