Now You're Talkin'

i have been sitting in some stuff lately. pondering, really. thinkin' about what gets my time. my energy. my thoughts.

know what i discovered?

i think about a lot of stuff i don't need to think about! 

i read a devotional book called Unopened Treasures by the late Francis Ridley Havergal. She is one gifted writer! seriously on the level with Spurgeon, in a woman's world.

she has been talking about Trust. Worry. Being kept by Christ.

 Oh.My.Stars.

Can we say.....MAJOR CONVICTION ?!?!



i could just post her thoughts. let you sit in it too. but as i sit, i am processing. i am thinking. i am praying.

and wouldn't you know, the sermon on Sunday was ALL.ABOUT. TRUST.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding; 
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths. 

~Proverbs 3:5-6

this verse was the topic Sunday. Now we're talkin'!! there will be more to come....i promise. but i leave you with the above verse to ponder. 



Belonging

So, we celebrated 14 years of marriage yesterday. Wow...quite a feat these days, if i do say so myself. We spent a wonderful afternoon, visiting old haunts, chatting, eating, and laughing. Sharing future dreams. My sweet man opened up about things he had been thinking about doing, and was surprised at my enthusiasm and joy in his prospects!

Over dessert, we talked (i talked) about my own "stuff", and i can honestly say, that for the first time in my life, i feel like i belong somewhere. For my entire life i have chased after this deep-seated desire to belong. OH, what lengths we go to in order to "fit in" as you say!

i know that i belong and have belonging with Christ Jesus.

But don't we all long to belong on the personal level too? i know i have. and i have jumped through hoops, people-pleased, sacrificed, etc. in order to belong.

Last night was wonderful. Affirming. Full of faithfulness, trust, and openness. i know i belong. i know i am loved. i know i can finally stop striving, and just rest.

Rest in the love my husband has for me. Rest in the place of belonging. Rest in Christ.

AH!! What joy there is when you can finally take a deep breath, without fear, trusting in the faithfulness of a love so true.

Love or Torment?

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us.           

 ~ 1 John 4:18-19

You just read the verse that the Lord used to bring me that freedom from fear. It was just this Monday morning, and i was still really thinking about the worship time on Sunday. See here for more on that.

Now, we know this verse. It is often said. Well, the first part is. i have heard this verse SO often quoted, while leaving out the second part of verse 18, "because fear involves torment." Why do we leave this part out? i propose because it doesn't sound as pretty, or nice, as the first part. We can accept that we should not have fear in love, but do we ever think of what fear itself involves? Not much, as we rarely quote the last half of the verse.

The word "torment" really struck me on Monday. i had to sit on it for awhile. to process. to absorb all the implications of what my fear really was....it was torment. And should i, a Christ-one, be living with torment? Should you?

Dictionary.com defined torment this way:

tor-ment

as a verb

1. to afflict with great bodily or mental suffering; pain: to be tormented with violent headaches.

2. to worry or annoy excessively: to torment one with questions.

3.to throw into commotion; stir up; disturb.

as a noun

4.a state of great bodily or mental suffering; agony; misery.

5.something that causes great bodily or mental pain or suffering.

6. a source of much trouble, worry, or annoyance.

7. an instrument of torture, as the rack or the thumbscrew.

8. the infliction of torture by means of such an instrument or the torture so inflicted.

Those are some pretty strong words. Do we realize that when we are walking in fear, we are tormented? To be completely honest, when i am fearing, i am excessively worried, disturbed, in mental pain. My mind is tortured with all the thoughts of what could be. and i definitely suffer from headaches from all of my anxiousness.

And guess who is pleased-as-punch when we are living our lives with fear? yep. The enemy of our souls. This is most certainly not living in the perfect love of our God and Father; the perfect love of Jesus Christ.

i'll tell you what...this is one woman who is DONE being tormented by fears! i don't know what the future will hold. i don't know what my life will look like down the road. But i KNOW i can trust and depend on the amazing strength and salvation on Jesus Christ, my Saviour, the One who knows the future of all. i know that i can rest in the perfect love that the Father has for me. Jeremiah 31:3 states:

The LORD has appeared of old to me, saying: “ Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you."

Isaiah 43:1-2 holds precious promises for the things that may be fear-inducing:

But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel:

“ Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you."

Oh, Dear Christ-one's, let us  take Him at His most perfect Word and claim His promises for us. Let us walk into the land like Joshua, without fear! We have a Strong Deliverer on our side....ALWAYS!!

Fear is Knocking

Sunday morning. Church. Worship. Singing praises to our Lord and God. Joyful.

Then, it happens...

Our worship leader decided to preach for a couple minutes (which i welcome). First words out of his mouth were something like this: "You know, as Christians, we have nothing to fear. No reason to be afraid. We are in Christ, and don't have to fear anything." As i said earlier, it went on for a couple minutes. Now, to some, this was no new news.

To me, it was everything.

My husband and i had just been talking a few nights before this about this very topic. Yep. Fear. More specifically, i was talking about my fears. How i realized i had some pretty big ones recently. Some big ones that had knocked on my door, and i let in.

Like...
how insecure i am in my friendships. Afraid they will leave me.

Insecure in my marriage. Afraid he will leave me.

Get the theme here?

My hubby loves me. Really loves me. And deeply desires that i could rest in his love for me. i yearn for that rest. After Sunday, i realized i had to make a choice, not based on my feelings (fear), but based on the FACTS. My husband loves me and does not want to leave me. I choose to believe this. I trust Christ in him. My Babe honors me and loves me like Christ loves the Church...and i will rest in that :)

In talking with a friend about my insecurities in my friendships, i realized that i am called to love and serve the way Christ loved and served Judas. I am NOT saying my friends are like Judas! i am saying that Christ knew who would betray him, and loved him the same. yep. washed his feet even. If anyone ever had reason to fear that His friends would abandon him, it was Christ, because they all did! Yet He did NOT fear. He trusted and obeyed and did what the Father told Him to do.

So, after our worship pastor preached, we started singing a new song. The music started. The words went up on the screen. And i was frozen. i could not sing. Tears were streaming down my face. My number had been called...God had a meeting with me! Here are the lyrics (i could finally sing for the 2nd chorus!):

 Always by Kristian Stanfill (click name for video)

My foes are many, they rise against me
But I will hold my ground
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way
Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always
Troubles surround me, chaos abounding
My soul will rest in YouI will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the wayOh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
From You Lord, from You Lord
Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, alwaysOh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always, always

~ amen ~

next post, the verse God used Monday ;) as He always confirms His work, with His Word.