Change

How do you know when REAL change has taken place? You know what i mean... you say "okay. i am not gonna get upset about ______. I am gonna try harder." and WHALAA! you do okay for a day or two, but then your resolve fizzles and you are blowing it consistently. No amount of pulling yourself up by your boot straps will work.  I would suggest that it is because you have been trying to do it in your own strength, out of a place of pride.

i know. this was me.

There is a TON i could write about this, but i only have time for a short snippet.

Lately, the gospel has been my everything. Every.day. i need the gospel. It is the power of God! As i humbly depend on the finished work of Christ, i notice i am responding to things differently.

Do i blow it? fail? yell?

yep.

but the Holy Spirit is faithful to convict me, to help me to not blame-shift, to take responsibility. i don't wallow in the mud of my failing anymore. i can get up, praise God for the Good News, and keep pressing in.

It struck me this week, how much God has been working. We host a small group 2x's a month. i was actually giddy and joy-filled at the thought of everyone coming over! i wasn't stressed at all. And then yesterday, i spend most of the day just smiling as i did laundry ( i had one hiccup and was frustrated for a bit, but God is faithful to show me my sin, and again i can repent and keep on going). Actually filled with joy in the mundane. Today, mowing and doing yardwork has filled my heart with song. i am realizing that life, every day of it, is a gift from God, that His grace is sufficient, and resting in the finished work of Christ and the knowledge that at this very moment He is ever interceeding for me. Trials WILL come. My faith will stand as it is based in Christ alone, and no longer in my own ability to perform.